Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
