this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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