Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize