And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
