isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
