I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
