loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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