The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The best revenge is premature balding
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
