As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
