...so i touched it.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
