Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
