When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
