I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize