my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
