Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
