id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
