I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize