im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
