Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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