Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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