she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
