is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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