If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just pee around me
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
