True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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