eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
