I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
