I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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