So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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