I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
