This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
