plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You smell like stripper and shame
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize