I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
