Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
