dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
