Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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