Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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