I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize