I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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