my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
