I'm eating all of the evidence.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
