saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
