I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My penis needs a shock collar
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
