Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize