She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
