I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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