Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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