Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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