there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
