he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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