lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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