May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
