just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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