I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
