Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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