Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
