You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize