I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
