just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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