I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
