i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
