every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
