Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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